Franck

I am a huge proponent of giving feedback. One of the greatest desires a person has is to learn, grow and become more valuable. Take a close look at your inner circle. Does anyone give you honest feedback? I have Franck. A friend, confidante, fan, and critic. He’s the first one to tell me he loved my speech and then kindly follow up with, “You are covering too many topics in one hour.” He will enthusiastically share that he loves my hair and add, “I don’t know if you should wear that shirt again, ever.” :) No offense taken. Really. Franck tells me what I need to hear because he cares about me. He wants me to be the best I can be. The fact that he decides to share mindful feedback is a gift and takes guts. Now, it is helpful that Franck is from France. All this feedback is given with a strong French accent. Confession…this makes it easier to hear.

We share a unique relationship. Our interpretations of life can be viscerally different because of our backgrounds, gender and experiences. But, no matter how much uncommon ground we have, our commonality is that we want the best for each other. What better motivator for a friendship? (A good time to take another look at your inner circle.) He keeps me entertained through his humor and perspective, and inspires from a place of humility, trust and respect.

Here’s the moral of the story. If you don’t have at least one person who can tell you the stuff the makes you uncomfortable it’s time to add another friend. I hold Franck in high regard because of this. However, it also speaks volumes that my kids also adore him, and we both love a great bottle of wine.

     I was talking to my friend the other day. He was telling me how it was time for a career change. At the end of our exchange he left me with, “Who knows, someday I might change the world.” I thought…well you’ve already changed my world. He’s a really inspiring guy and challenges me to be better without trying. 

     So if he changed my world, then really he’s changed THE WORLD. In fact, all of us change the world. So that grand statement, “Someday I want to change the world” is not at all a future dream, because it’s already a reality.  It’s an impossibility that you haven’t changed the world. The question becomes HOW have you changed the world? 

     The answers don’t need to be earth shattering, but they need to be honest. We are all connected. There is no action that any of us does that doesn’t affect someone else in some way. Changing the world baby, one choice at a time. I’d say that’s pretty powerful stuff, and gives all of pause to think about our own personal domino affect. 

     I was running this afternoon. 66 degrees. In Madison ,WI.  In March. Wow. Everyone is out in their yards playing. I think I even caught someone laying out in her bikini because that’s what Wisconsinites do when it’s 60+ degrees in March. Not proud of this. So I’m talking myself up a hill and I look to my right to see two kids throwing a baseball. Made me smile. I then noticed their mom sitting on the porch swing smiling at them. This made me smile bigger. Until, I noticed that that pillars were wound with dead evergreens and big red bows. My guttural reaction was to shout to her…”Hey, while your kids are playing and it’s so nice out, why don’t you use this time to take down the fire hazzard. Not to mention it’s March and it’s really an eye sore.” I, of course, did not do this…but I did think there is no way I could sit on that porch and not get that stuff cleaned up. I kept running and then I gave myself a timeout. I didn’t stop running but more of a mental punishment. She was enjoying just watching her kids. Clearly she lacks my sickness for order and it doesn’t bother her or her children one bit.

     Good for them. I can get caught up in the “while I’m doing this, I could also be doing that” syndrome. Jack just finished his final hockey game of the season. On our way home from Fond du Lac he and I were talking and he was celebrating the high points of his year. I seamlessly interjected a question about what he learned that he might do better next year. He answered something about puck poise but as I looked at him when he was speaking his body was deflated. I didn’t need to be getting “that” done while we were doing “this.” Sure, it’s relevant, important and all that other good stuff but not right then. Just like the Christmas decorations that will come down eventually, he will embrace the lesson eventually but not at that moment. I found my way back into his excitement, slammed down a celebratory burger and fries with him and made a mental note to make more of an effort not to impose my path of least resistance onto my son again…or others for that matter.

“Because I can.” Please don’t over-negotiate with yourself. Unfortunately the human race…not just you…has a propensity for a negative bias. We can talk ourselves out of a great idea before we even take one action step to make it happen. In other words, we decide we can’t before we even act. Not braggin’, I swear. I was recently nominated for an Athena Award. It recognizes people in business who inspire women to honor their potential. One person who supported my nomination said, “When I asked Christi why she does the things she does to create opportunities for other women, she simply said…because I can.” I’m nothing special. I mean that. (Although I can say my ABC’s backwards and some people do find that slightly special.)  It feels right to take action. It means you are moving in the forward direction and this makes us HAPPY!  ”Feeling right” is about living the life that’s right for you. Living up to expectations you set for yourself means you have to do things to make that happen.  Just one thing today. I know you can.

I just completed a Midwest roadshow. 4 speaking engagements in 3 days. Same talk, different experiences. That’s what I love about being a professional speaker. No two audiences are alike. I spoke to financial professionals dressed in business attire and impeccably groomed. High achievers with a history of success.  Regardless of outward appearance, audiences are unique, made up of unique individuals. The take away for one person is different than the person sitting next to them.  Take all these interpretations, mix ‘em up, and the finished “cake” comes out tasting differently.

Interpretations are based on what you bring to the presentation. What consistently swirls around in your head translates into how you receive information. It takes humility to be a learner, particularly when you are doing a lot of things right. These respective audiences have a record of documented success.  But, they were hungry to grow. You want a better life? Here’s a tip, YOU commit to getting better.

I was impressed with their response. The questions, side conversations and emails I received post-talk contained the common thread of being open to the search. However, the actual search was exclusive to each individual. Why? They were present. Had they just shown up, the talk would have been an assembly of words. The reaction would have been polite and possibly positive, but not palpable to the point where I could attach inimitable adjectives to each.  I give that an A+.

 Show up to win. Engage your mind and spirit in order to grow. This concept applies to life. Our kids events, dinners with significant others, workouts, even sitting in your family room hanging with the people you care about the most. We are able to gain something from all these goings-on. I know…it’s not realistic to always be on. However, the habit of being present should heavily outweigh the times you simply show up.

The world is not made up of events. It’s the unique energy we bring to our events that makes for living.  Life is a noun.  Living is a verb that moves and changes. You stay in one place too long, you get bedsores.

 Ouch.

I am the best mother and wife every other Wednesday night.  Why? My cleaning guy comes every other Wednesday and my home is the ultimate dwelling of peace. There was a time when I felt self-conscious telling people I had a cleaning guy. Would they think I was spoiled, lazy, or even that I must be rich if I could afford someone to clean for me? Not so. I have a cleaning guy because he allows me to do other things that are more valuable to my family and my work. He’s an investment and brings me joy. His name is Terry. He’s knows I highly dislike clutter, love when things are clean and tidy, and truly appreciate the “space” he creates. I feel happy in a clean, organized home. My father-in-law is a pediatrician. He once suggested to me that I spend less time keeping my home in order and “just let things go” to free up my time and mind. What a disaster that was. I let things go. Until…I could no longer efficiently function. The stress of picking up paled in comparison to the stress of functioning in what my mind perceived as utter chaos. The experiment failed. I called Doc and told him the results. I could feel him rolling his eyes on the other end of the phone and then forcibly agreeing with my findings.

  More about Terry. I love that he cleaned for the Ralph Lauren estate years ago in the Hamptons and tells me stories about it. I love his attention to detail and flair for decor. He’s a bit of a cleaning snob. Like me, he appreciates the flow of an uncluttered home and gives me that “I know exactly what you’re talking about” look when I share my frustration about chipped cabinets, knicks in my floors and the dilemma of finding that perfect picture for the wall behind the kids cubbies. I love when I come home and he has rearranged the frames in my foyer, taken the “poison green” pillows (his decription not mine) from the family room and carefully perched them on my dining room chairs, and dismantled the floral arrangement I put together so that it can “really come alive.”  

He has been known to offer suggestions in my attire when cleaning my closet and also comments on what I might be wearing to a speaking engagement. Sometimes I’ve had to march back up to my bedroom to change my skirt. I’m not kidding. The guys got an eye for this kind of thing. 

I love that he knows my kids and can describe their individual personalities. He makes me laugh with his stories that always start with a lean over the kitchen island and begin with, “You are not going to believe this one…”  He’s smart, witty, and a little catty. Rob doesn’t get it. And guess what, he doesn’t have to. He appreciates Terry’s work but doesn’t appreciate the full Terry like I do. He is my friend. As my Christmas present he rearranged my entire pantry. It started with, “I have been looking at this thing for years and can’t take it anymore.” Some would have been offended, but I had only visceral excitement for what he was about to do in there. It’s beautiful. Only Terry and I can fully appreciate it. I know, I know.

The moral of this story? I’m not really sure. He’s a priority for me. There’s nothing frivolous about our relationship. He provides a service and frees up my time so I can be with my kids, teach a yoga class, or get to a speaking engagement. There is no one else like him in my life and I’d miss him if he were gone. It’s Wednesday night and I feel so happy that I thought a tribute blog might be nice. We all have our “Terry.” He or she might not be your cleaning guy but they are your “Someone.”

My top 10 from our Rose Bowl trip…in no particular order:

10. Finding out that I had to rent the car with the kids, drive in the fog and dark to our hotel from the airport…and I did it. This trumps anything else I accomplished all year in Jack’s eyes.

9. Trying to make our way up to the Hollywood sign on 5 ft wide streets, yes- I was driving again, and Carson almost in tears saying, “it’s just not worth it.”

8. We had a super cool room at the JW Marriott. 

7. Our New Years Eve dinner was fun and fabulous. Lobster and laughter.

6. Hooking up with Craig and Lisa. Craig said he was happy to be with me because he would no longer be the bossiest person in the room. And I still love him. 

5. The Santa Monica pier and the guy in the tight white shorts. No picture. You should thank me…whoa. Dara chased him down for a peek though.

4. The band, cheerleaders, Miller Lites, and brats at the pre-game Badger Blast made us feel like we were back in Madtown. Sweaty, but fun, fun, fun.

3. Dara walking with me every morning to the Starbucks a mile away to get our “workout” in. Which we promptly canceled out with a coffee and pastry. The conversation was priceless. She wants to be like Picasso but doesn’t want to “hurt her ear like he did.” Not quite a bulls-eye but I got the point.

2. Giving the kids each $100 for Christmas to spend on the vacation. Jack- 1 LA Kings hat and wants to save the rest to use on NHL.com., Carson- couldn’t decide on anything until 9pm the night before we left and decided to go to the hotel gift shop. Always really great deals there! We found a fun bag that would normally cost $30 and got it for $90. Perfect. Dara- Converse tennis shoes (never be able to find those in Madison) a watch and her favorite…the 2011 People magazine edition. We shared this.;)

1. Being with my favorite people. This is actually number 1.

Tis’ the season for giving. I know, we should always be generous. However sometimes a holiday is all it takes to get the giving ball rolling. I attended our school/church Gift Mass. 400 plus kids walked up to the alter carrying gifts ranging from a $10 Sorry game to a $50 Lego set. Gift cards, skate boards, barbies, books…all carried by children and in the background beautiful voices singing to enhance the experience. I tear up every year. The gifts are then loaded on a truck and delivered to families in need. Pretty simple stuff really. It took me about 15 minutes to pick up 3 gift cards for my kids to contribute. Small offerings in the scheme of life, but every single little thing we give has the potential to make a huge impact.

A Japanese proverb says that even dust amassed will grow into a mountain. Our basic desire to help others is amplified during the holidays. I’ll take it. By each one of us giving just a little, we can bring happiness to 100’s of people. Don’t for a minute think any tiny step you do won’t make a difference. I watched tiny steps by 100’s of kids make a huge difference.

All of us are connected in a fundamental , undeniable way. Exponentially we make huge things happen. There is no trivial gift. Give your time, your talent, or your money. We have the power to make dreams come true. Together. And let’s be honest, selfishly when being generous, it feels really good. 

     Do you ever get tired of hearing the same excuses from people? 3 words, EX HAUST ING.  I’m in the wellness profession and it’s part of the job description to look “surprised” and then sincerely find that place where I can be understanding but intolerant at the same time. My goal is to kindly yet sternly deliver repsonses that get people to honor their potential and make changes. However, I cannot be so cavalier to crack the whip on others for repeating the same potent behaviors, if I’m not consistently looking at my own calendar.

     What am I doing over and over again that I need to stop? What am I not doing that I need to start? We all have habits and excuses for not wanting to move from what we perceive to be comfortable, to a place that has a big sign on the door reading, “UNCOMFORTABLE.”

     I am working with a team of 40+ people for the next 10 DAYS and every single one of them has decided to forget the reasons why they aren’t eating well and moving their bodies, in exchange for focusing on just ONE reason they should.  Ditch the excuses. It’s a lot of work to remain stuck. It takes a lot of energy to convince yourself that everything is just fine the way it is. 

     Here’s the bottom line; committed people rule out excuses. They don’t have time for them. The space in their head is rented by solutions and enthusiasm. It can be hell of a lot of work. However, your life only gets better when you get better. When you make choices to positively impact your mind, body, and spirit…your life gets better. 

But, you already knew this. What excuse do you own that’s preventing you from living it?

       For months, people said to me, why don’t you hire an assistant to do all those things you hate doing…and you’re not very good at? It’s hard being a small business owner and trying to do it all. My to-do list can be a mile long…research material for talks, create experiences for talks, write talks, teach fitness classes, market to prospective clients, return emails, send out invoices, record income, learn choreography, create new playlists, meet with clients, create beachbody opportunities, update social media, give talks, and before all of this, be a really good mom.

       So I hired Katy. She’s fabulous. She’s ultra organized. I even appreciated her horrified look when she saw my desk, my fitness closet, the shelves in my yoga room, and how I “file” my important documents and receipts. Disclaimer; I do happen to know where everything is, eventually.  She’s smart, honest and a little nervy. She is not afraid to ask me the tough questions and challenges me about where I’m spending my time. The other day we were doing some long-term goal setting. I commented on things I HAD to do and started in on my time constraints.  She looked at me and said, “Shouldn’t you be writing your book?”  My big goal is to finish my book. I have “chapters” done, 100’s of pages of notes (some stuffed in the glove compartment of my car), and lots of really great stuff still stuck in my head. When I think about the book, I feel happy. She knows this. Katy takes the time to observe and listen. There is a lot of value in what she has done to organize my life, but the greater value has come from her observations of where the organization should be and  the things that I really don’t HAVE to do.

       Our calendars are real facts that show us how we are choosing to spend our time. Your choice is your right to make a selection. Make good selections that honor your personal potential.  Choose possibilities that align with your passions. Ditch the other stuff. Metaphorically we are all writing a book, aren’t we? It’s like that Natasha Bedingfield song, “Drench yourself in words unspoken. Live your life with arms wide open. Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.”  The key is to “write” stuff that you actually want to read.