I sat nestled at my table at Panera in Orland Park, IL, grinding out emails and writing self-evaluations of presentations I had given. Jack, my 15-year-old, was training at a hockey rink down the street. I had about 60 min to bust through this stuff.  Tired from the mediocre night’s sleep in the hotel, and experiencing dread as it related to this part of my job, I found myself wishing I was teaching a yoga class or giving a talk; both things I LOVE. On a scale of 1-10, I was hovering around a 5 for enthusiasm and excitement. 

Buried in my laptop, with Jack’s USHL itinerary spread out next to me, I heard, “Oh look here! Another sales rep?” I looked up and in front of me was a “grandpa” about 5’ 5 ft tall, huge belly, coke bottle glasses, holding a cup of coffee and an apple fritter. Before I could answer or even be 100% sure he was shouting at me, he sat at the table next to me and asked, “Or are you a hockey mom?” equally as enthusiastically and accusatory. I smiled and said, “Yes, I’m here for hockey. Getting some work done while my son’s training. However I’m not a Sales Rep.”

He ignored everything except for the word hockey. “I hate watching hockey. It’s like watching paint dry,” he shared at a volume of 10 out of 10. He then went on to explain that his grandkids don’t play hockey, but they do that thing on stage where you move around to show tunes. He began to shuffle around my table. He appeared to be dancing! So I asked, “Are they dancers?” Bulls-eye. He likes dance but finds it hard to keep quiet during recitals. Shocking.  He rattled off a couple other things which I can’t completely recall but found entertaining, and then dove into his fritter. 

I re-engaged, returned more emails, finished my evals and found myself thinking more about this grandpa who shamelessly invited himself into my space. I LOVED IT! We need more of this!  He wasn’t rude, judgmental, harassing, intrusive, or inappropriate. He was a breath of fresh air. He made me smile. He brought happiness to my tedious tasks and my excitement level shot up from 5 to a solid 9.

We have become a society that has a bad habit of no longer taking notice of the world around us. And when we do, we are too afraid we’ll offend if we engage. As we walk to our tables we are thinking about all the things we have to get done, and ignore what’s going on 2 feet away. We take out our phones, open our laptops, check for text messages, and completely check out of the life around us. The living, breathing life around us.

Grandpa noticed. He didn’t miss things like the fact that my laptop made me appear to be Sales Rep and my hockey literature suggested Hockey Mom. Being present. The little things we miss because, well because we miss them. And if we do catch them, we fear the reaction of the other person if we try to engage in friendly banter; so we don’t.  In the good ole’ days that’s what people did at breakfast joints! They said hello, asked questions, laughed with strangers, talked about the weather, said what they felt without fear of an eye-roll. They had freedom of spirit. 

One of the greatest contributors of happiness is engaging with others. Real life engaging where you get a real live reaction. He contributed to my happiness. 

I packed up my belongings and stopped at his table. I shared with him that I speak to audiences all over the country about Happiness as a skill. I complimented him for taking the time to notice me, engage with me, make me laugh and told him we need more of “him.” I complimented his presence of mind and willingness to take a chance in “shouting at me” regardless of how I may react. I told him he made my morning and thanked him. 

He paused and said something very close to this, “Presence of mind? Taking a chance? I’m not sure what you mean. What I do know is we are a country made up of people. People are our family, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers, our grandkids. You are a person young lady. We are meant to engage with people. I worry about you kids with your emails, texts, computers…You’re missing all the good stuff. All the real live people. Now go pick up that hockey player. Terrible sport….”

I smiled again and said- I’m going to blog about you. He replied, “What’s the difference between a blog and a tweet?”  Not kidding. I laughed and said the answer would be meaningless to him. As I turned to leave he had one last request. He smiled and winked, “Be sure to tell your readers you met Lottery Joe this morning.”

Lottery Joe; it was very nice to meet you. 

I recently travelled with my middle daughter. A conscientious, competitive little gal, but not very assertive. It was her 13th birthday celebration weekend. We were staying at a lovely Santa Monica hotel. They sent her chocolate covered strawberries as a birthday surprise.  As we walked through the lobby to get our beach run in,  I suggested she thank Irene who ignited the kind gesture. She stood 2 feet behind me waiting for Irene. I told her to move up - this was not my thank you, it was hers. Nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Stand up proud and thank her please. She looked horrified. I said, “Assert yourself.” Finally, I took 2 steps back to put her in the assertive position. She stood strong…but not comfortably. Irene came out and Carson shared her genuine gratefulness for her kindness. (She ate 8 of the 10 strawberries. I nabbed 2, but sneakily.) 

As we walked from the hotel, I asked her why that would be uncomfortable. She said, “I feel like I’m intruding.” That’s aggressive not assertive. Aggressiveness is intrusive and boundless. It’s also selfish. When we get aggressive with others, it’s about our agenda. Assertiveness is letting someone know that every ounce of our being believes what we are saying. So Carson would be saying from her entire being, “Thank you so much for the strawberries. What an unexpected surprise. I am grateful.” Saying this assertively only enhances the message. It’s good for Irene and for Carson.

We have lots of opportunities to choose to be assertive rather than aggressive. Assertiveness is an important component of communication. When we are assertive, we express ourselves and stand up for our views without disrespecting the views of others. In fact my favorite assertive line that I use all the time is, “That’s interesting you would say that; I just don’t think that way.” I’m not telling them they are wrong, however I’m stating firmly…assertively…that I see things differently. It’s a conversation stopper. Trust me. Conversations that I have no interest in giving energy to are halted by this diplomatic yet firm assertion.  

When we speak with assertiveness we improve our self-esteem and actually earn the respect of others…agreers or dissenters.  

An aggressive person looks like a bully. When we are overly aggressive, it’s interpreted as disregard for the feelings of others and/or ignores their views. Self-righteous is another not so complimentary description. Gaining the respect of those around you, even those with whom you disagree, is about leadership and trust…not aggression. Leadership and trust does not mean you agree. It’s means respect. 

Choose “I assert!”

One Step At A Time.

Carson and I stood at the bottom and I said, “Let’s go as hard as we can.” She replied, “All the way up?!” No, just one step at a time. One step, and then the next, and the next. If you continually think about getting “all the way up” you run the risk the of never starting. It feels like it’s too much. If you start, and still only focus on the “top” you’ll miss the journey. Getting there is part of the fun. Step by step is how we create and experience great things. 

I also told her I’d get her Starbucks if she killed it. Insurance policies never hurt either.

And Then You Get Sick.

If you don’t do the right things to take care of yourself, eventually your body says, “I’ve had enough. I’m sick.” Being a fitness professional, wellness coach and professional speaker I am constantly educating about taking care of the most important person you know; you. Don’t ever rely on someone else to do it. Your commitment to you is up to you. Your family, your friends, your work- all want the best version of you. YOU want the best version of you. FACT-We are happiest when we honor our personal potential.

I fell short. I’ve battled vocal cord issues the last 2 years. Surgery, voice therapy, surgery, voice therapy. The thing about voice therapy is, in order for it to work you have to do it. I hate it. I don’t like doing the exercises. I love my voice therapist, but hate going to the appointments. I don’t like singing along to the piano chords, doing the lip trills, reading poems while trying to speak from the front of my mouth, or getting my cords scoped. I DO like when she rubs my cheeks and neck.  I don’t like turning my music down when teaching. I don’t like giving up red wine. I don’t like sleeping with a humidifier. So I avoid these things. I only do them sometimes. Can you relate?

I should know better. I do know better. The best version of me includes having a healthy, well voice. However, I’ve made poor decisions that have led me to an unhappy spot. But I’m not stuck here. This is a simply a place in time.

What now? A stronger commitment to my wellness. Wellness is not just physical fitness. It’s emotional, intellectual and spiritual. A healthy voice allows me to be a better mother, spouse, and friend. And, it’s my profession! I get sad, frustrated and impatient when my voice hurts. I can’t talk on my cell phone, cheer at soccer games, yell to my kids upstairs that breakfast is ready, sing my favorite songs, or even engage in conversations because I’m “saving” my voice for something really important. Every day of my life is important! I’m missing out. It’s my fault. However, since I got myself into this mess, I can get myself out. 

Ever feel this way? You’re not stuck.

So what’s going on with the tube-in-my-nose photo? I had a Upper GI Endoscopy the other day to check out my esophagus and stomach. While I was under they stuck this pH monitoring tube in my nose which went down into my esophagus to measure acid. I wore it for 22 hours. Not only is it pretty, but feels really good. I’m 100% sure my gag reflex is working properly. At 2am I woke up as the monitor was digging into my rib cage. I tried to drink water but gagged. I got mad. And then I remembered; I got myself into this mess. 

The tube is out, never to return again. I just sat down at our piano and sang my chords, followed up by a series of lip trills. It wasn’t fun. But it’s not supposed to be fun. What’s fun is having my life back. Smile. 

     When our kids experience a dilemma that involves a child and their parent it puts us in a precarious situation. Kids vs. kids…I stay out. I can coach/inspire/suggest to my own child how to handle it, but won’t get in the middle. Now, when a parent starts to interject/INTERFERE…my child has now been outmatched. Wisdom, age, confidence, height, weight…all play a role in a face to face exchange. Although I hope to be the “mom” that would never be that “mom”, how do you be the mom that handles this one? 5 days now I have spent weighing the pros and cons of - to say or not to say. My ultimate question I ask prior to any action I take is; will I make it better? If I’m not sure that I will, I choose not to act. I choose to trust that my intention and character will trump my voice. This is a learned skill for me. I’m the kid that always shot from the gut. The kid who’s dad gave her the 5 minute rule of pausing, pausing, pausing…which felt like an eternity …until clarity came. I want my child to know that I’m her biggest protector. I’m her hugest fan and when in doubt, I have her covered. However, I also want to inspire independence and confidence. Maybe just knowing I’m that mom is enough? Maybe communicating that no one will ever “mess with my kid” doesn’t mean I need to get into a verbal altercation to prove this lesson?

     However, I’m again drawn to my roots…my birth sign. The Leo. You laugh; I laugh. We’re fighters. We like to spread our wild mane, show our children our power, and how much we love them. But the power of the Lion is the unspoken. Dignified is a description that is often used. How to be a dignified mom when you want to be that other mom? How to be strong without physically flexing your muscles? And as a fitness professional this is a double struggle! Didn’t mean that…I’m non-violent, I swear. The element associated with the Leo is fire. We gutturally want to plunge headfirst into the heat and let the chips fall where they may. I’ve been there; the haphazard chip-falling has some big drawbacks. Dignity however is defined as the quality of being worthy of honor and respect. I have the most honorable and respectable people in my close circle.  I seek it and should therefore live it. My honor and respect; I simply cannot gamble. And since I cannot control the reaction of any other person who may be messing with my child, I have decided that my honor and respect is best protected by teaching my daughter (and all my kids for that matter) that I am fiercely in love with her, but jeopardizing my core values is not the path of lioness protection. My enthusiasm for my daughter is not defined by the words I can share with someone who may never understand my message. It’s defined by the message I send to her.

     So this blog is not just about me and my sign, but about how we live honorably within our given personality traits.  And even if you think signs are stupid and hokey, and your personality has nothing to do with the Zodiac, the message is still for you. Carefully choose when to act and when not to act. Your audience directs your actions. My audience is my daughter, not the “messer.” That’s a real word.  Before you choose your course of action, know your audience. Who do you want to impact? Do not make it about your ego and how loud you can roar.

     And just for fun, let me add a couple other things that I like to celebrate as a Leo - We strive for happiness; not just in ourselves but celebrate seeing others experience happiness. We love deeply and are GREAT at spending money…hence my new chaise! And, when it comes to play time we are at our very best. We love a good time and are never afraid to turn up the fun meter.

     To be fair, we can also be a huge pain in the ass…too much is just too much. I know, I know. 

As the year ends and a new one begins we become reflective and begin to think; what’s up for the next one? I’m a fan of goals and aspirations but truthfully there are times I feel stalled. I think there is a lot of pressure to commit to big dreams for the coming year and it comes down to taking it one day at a time, whether that day ends in 2012 or 2013. Optimism has to have the component of reality. And nothing is more real than the choices you are making today. They set the stage for your choices tomorrow, regardless of the date. 

We all stand for something, but to let the “meaning of your life” get in the way of incremental progress is a mistake. You are already meaningful. The struggle for what you stand for; your personal mission statement; your unique fingerprint in the meaning of life transcends religious beliefs, age, yoga mats, inspirational talks, gender, and income. It’s an unwavering personal trust you have in yourself. A trust that you are making the right choices to have your best life. That’s a pretty big deal. I have had moments while teaching, in grocery stores, volunteering at school, church, dinner parties, driving, where I have questioned…even panicked…that I’m not living my brand.

Here’s what I’ve found that alleviates my stress. First, red wine.  Second, I start asking myself different questions. Living my brand? That is a huge question. The most meaningful questions in our lives change all the time. What defines who I am now -my best life now- is very different from 10 years ago, 5 years ago, even 1 year ago. Getting married, the birth of my children, starting my company, travelling to Alaska, deciding if I wanted botox-every one of these moments was a starting line and I will have NEW starting lines. I’m still very much alive and doing stuff. We are all moving in one direction, and that’s forward. If you feel stuck you are simply asking yourself questions that are too big or boxed-in. Your new year is about new starting lines and/or plugging away at those things that have not yet been finished.  Keep it simple. What is it that you want to do today? What do you want to have happen tomorrow? What is a relevant question that you can answer with immediate action that will make you happy? True, it takes some searching to find new questions, but that’s where the fun lies. Complacency is settling. I’ve never heard anyone describe it as fun.

Look for questions/conversations/thoughts that give you the chills. I was driving the other day and the song “People Get Ready” by Seal fired up on my Ipod. I felt it resonate in my soul, got a little teary-eyed, and thought…get ready for  2013, ”For the train a-coming. You don’t need no baggage. You just get on board. All you need is faith. To hear the diesels humming…” Believe in you. Believe in your questions. Have faith in you to be able to answer even your toughest questions. No one will be able to do that in 2013 better than you.

As long as you keep asking yourself new questions that reveal there is so much more for you to do and become, you are unstoppable. Your passion for continually creating the ever-changing “you” will keep your personal mission alive.

Be your own best friend. Shut off the computer, the phone, the TV, the Ipod and have conversations with you. Be your biggest advocate for the New Year. Your relevant questions are your fuel to your future. Vroom, Vroom. 

Elections are about voting for the person who best represents your personal beliefs, visions, and dreams. What candidate best provides a path to your happiness?

What candidate will provide you the best opportunity to honor your potential? Every year people from 174 different countries come to the United States and when asked why they come here, the most popular answer is, “because there is no place on earth like America where I can honor my potential!” Amen. The American Dream.

So let me ask you this. You live here…are you honoring your potential? Are you voting for “you” first? Study after study shows that the happiest people honor their personal potential first. It’s really all we have, isn’t it?

Your day-to-day personal choices determine your potential. Your choices start a behavior that becomes a habit. We are creatures of habit. Take note of your habits! You are the most important person you know. What choices are you making for yourself?

Cut the crap of sleepwalking unconsciously through the motions of your day getting a lot of tasks done but ignoring those things that passionately MOVE you. Things that bring you joy, satisfaction, engagement. Are you doing more of these things consciously?

It’s about YOU making your choices, not your choices MAKING you.

How many choices have you not voted on? Nobody intends to become obese, lose their job, end up in toxic friendships or even divorce. These are typically a result of a series of small poor choices and more focus on “out there” rather than “in here.”

YOU are the candidate. You must start with you. Being 100% accountable for your happiness/fulfillment is the winning ticket. Deciding YOU are worth great effort and support. Not studying other people, People magazine, but YOU.

And it’s not an excuse that you’re not in your best place right now if that’s the case. We’ve all been there. You are enough. Screw ups are screw ups. We all screw up. It’s about the next choice. No one can take away your next decision.

Commit to the things that define you. They go with you everywhere you go. Your character, integrity, wellness, self-esteem, positive energy and passion. When you spend time on these…you say “I Vote Me.”

Your “Why-Power” will trump your “Willpower” all day long. You want to Vote You? Figure out what you’re voting for! What are your priorities and goals? What are your desires and dreams? What matters most to YOU?

For me…I like to be in shape, but I like to be strong and independent even more. I like to run, but I like to be able to run with my kids even more. I like to commit to a positive attitude, but I like what it does for the relationship with my husband even more. My why’s are bigger than arbitrary markers. They are gutturally inspired. You will not stick to something unless it truly MOVES you…aligns with your dreams/aspirations/desires.

We need to vote for candidates to represent us, but you also need to “Vote Me.” Be your biggest advocate. Self-acceptance and self-love are the greatest gifts you can give yourself. If you don’t “Vote Me” how can you ask anyone else to follow you? Your family, friends, co-workers…we want to feel your authenticity and jump on the energy train that YOU create for you.

Don’t wati until you get it together to vote you. Right now at this moment be the first person to cast  the “you” ballot. Others will follow.

We’re waiting to follow.

The other day I was standing in a circle of people. The person to my left asked me if my daughter ended up making the dance company.  Enthusiastically I replied, yes. The backstory goes something like this. In August, she and I schlepped out to LA where she auditioned to be part of a national company. A commitment of time and money? For sure. But also a commitment to happiness. As a mother I make choices for my kids that you wouldn’t make. And you make choices I wouldn’t make. Moving our families in a forward direction is personal. Providing opportunities for our children to honor their potential is personal. Going to LA was personal.

 Back to the circle. As I was explaining what this company would entail to my friend to the left, I overheard another person say to another circle dweller, “I’m sorry, but I would never take my kid to LA to audition at 12 years old.” Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. Really. I don’t expect anyone to take their kid anywhere they didn’t think would provide more happiness. Happiness is personal. His children have other interests and I know they provide all sorts of opportunities for those kids to honor their respective potentials. They provide opportunities for happiness, just like I do. Just like you do. They just aren’t the same. Fabulous.

 Our happiness is about having a clearly defined priority list and aligning our choices to match up. My family is my first priority. It makes me the happiest when they are happy. What makes my family happy is unique to the five of us. Her passion for dance cannot be put into words. To be able to take her out there was a gift. Not an “I’m sorry.” For someone else it would be a nightmare. I totally get that. Nightmares for me are dreams-come-true for others.  It makes the world an interesting, beautiful place to live.

 A successful, meaningful life is bigger than just getting things done. We can check a million things off our list, but it has to be bigger than that. The list is in place so that our ultimate goal of happiness can be achieved. Spending time uncovering what makes you happy is not frivolous or silly. Happiness is a big game played for high stakes. It’s about mindfully choosing what to put on your calendar and what to take off.  It’s infinitely important to have awareness and presence of mind to discover what brings you joy, contentment, and pleasure.  Do more of those things.

When we wrap our heads around the fact that it’s a finite life, we are more apt to choose happiness. Remind yourself that your happiness journey is personal. You are your best guide. It’s hard to be unaffected by outside-happiness-judgers (that’s a real hyphenated phrase). They are not bad people nor or they saying you’re doing it wrong. You’re just not doing it how they would. Amen! You have a responsibility to make it personal. Go make all sorts of happiness for you and your family. Frank Sinatra sang it best. “My friend, I’ll say it clear. I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain. I’ve lived a life that’s full. I traveled each and every highway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way.” Is happiness personal? Absolutely.

     This weekend I had the honor of kicking off a fundraising run for a local school. Saturday morning they handed me the mic to inspire them not just to finish this race, but  to commit to the lifelong journey of wellness. Taking care of the body and mind you’ve been given now and forever! Good stuff. Students, parents, siblings, friends, inspirational speakers…maybe just one…and supporters of the school all fired up for the 5k run or 1-mile walk.

     Out of the shoot, ear buds in place rockin’ my favorite running playlist and the endorphins kick in. Fuse that with the positivity, enthusiasm, and camaraderie of the other racers and I’m shifting into high gear. I suddenly felt like my body could move faster. So I did. As I’m passing all the grade school kids, elbowing them and…wait no, that wasn’t it.  Let me try again. As I pushed harder, I reached out to the other runners with a high five, and a word or two of inspiration.  It wasn’t about passing them. It was about all of us running to our potential. The goal was not who crossed first, but the commitment to doing something good for our bodies. 

     Just after the halfway point, I noticed two young runners. A boy and a girl. They were cooking. I watched as one would get ahead of the other and vice versa. They would look back, encourage, run together, split up, encourage, share a water bottle, and repeat. I am no longer hearing my iPod; I’m taking this exchange in with every part of my being. This was inspiration. Not only were they physically good runners, (I couldn’t catch up to their little legs) but they were demonstrating what it means to live a FULL life of wellness. A healthy body and a healthy mind. Pushing yourself yet inspiring others along the way. I’m not gonna lie, I got a little teary. I wanted a part of this.

    So I caught up. The little girl, who I found out was in 5^th grade, was getting a stomach cramp. She started walking. Her buddy kept his pace running ahead and she was good with that. I asked her how bad it was and if she could run a slow jog instead of walking. I committed to do it with her. She shared that last year she ran the race in 27 min and wanted to break her record. I’m eating this up! She is a fighter! She starts to pace with me and I tell her we’re going to ramp it up. As we kick it into high gear her side cramps. She tells me to go on and wants to walk for a bit. This may sound like I ditched her, but I swear I didn’t. I thought; she wants space. She knows she can run again, but wants to do it on her own.  The inspirational speaker needs to hold off on motivational tips for the time being.  Seriously, I get it. I feel this too. Thank you for personal space and the power of hanging out in your own head! That’s what she wanted.

      I finish the race in my own record time I might add. Not bragging. This is an illustration of inspiration. And in the end, it was those two little beauties who pushed me. As I’m hanging out chatting, drinking water, I feel two arms wrap around my waist. It was her. She said she had been looking all over for me. “You helped me so much. I broke my record and it’s because of you!” Tears again. Not because of the record breaking, but because of the power we have to touch another person to be better by simply being aware. Don’t miss the person that needs you to say that one thing. Don’t miss the opportunity to observe a meaningful exchange between two people that inspires YOU to do that one thing.

      There are so many simple opportunities for us to positively touch the life of another. I say this all the time and I mean it, “I’m nothing special.” Any of you reading this have this same power. It comes down to living in the moment that is calling your name right now.

     So the inspirational message I gave at the beginning of the race about being on a journey for life, not just for today…well, that’s exactly what happened to me. She has reinforced my commitment to live my most extraordinary life. A life of wellness, yes, but also of engagement and fulfillment. That little person touched my soul. And to think, I could have missed it. I’m all in…today, tomorrow, next week. Now and Forever. 

“Run With Your Hair Down”

    I was talking to my friend telling him I had just given a presentation and my hair really turned out great. I wanted to take a run but didn’t want to mess up my locks. Not very often they look this good. He commented in jest, “That’s a really good excuse.” It gave me pause to re-evaluate. In my business, I listen to excuses all day long of why people “can’t.” I was being that person. Someone dock my pay. I want to hear how you “can.” So I did. I ran but I refused to put my hair up. I celebrated that I actually spent time that morning doing my hair which I NEVER do and let it fly in the wind. I looked stupid and maybe even self-absorbed as I passed other runners with my long brown locks flowing in the VERY windy day. But I found myself smiling about it. Almost laughing at myself for leaving my hair down…so not me…but celebrating that I got called out on an excuse and overcame. Not brain surgery gang. You just commit to the right choice.

     My friend is a good listener and would rather say nothing if he didn’t have something to say that meant something. Not only did he challenge me, but he was present in our conversation. I could feel that he was really listening. And I was aware. Often times we have so much music playing in our heads that we lack awareness. We miss the little things. The little things that people say and do to inspire us.  Presence and awareness is a huge part of our success. In fact, when we are more present and aware in our lives we are happier by virtue of our responses to…well, life. Bottom line, I wouldn’t have run if I hadn’t engaged with him.  

     But here’s the best news. By leaving my hair down it stilled looked fabulous. When I got home, my cleaning guy was just finishing up and I kid you not, he looked at me as we were exchanging decorative ideas and said, “Wow, your hair looks really good today.” I said, “Funny you should say that. I have a great story for you…”